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#心水保關注組【奴才嘅卑微請求】
主子，唔好意思呀，阻住你休息，麻煩你可唔可以借過少少呢📂？事關我上次入醫院張單俾你坐住咗呀😩！
如果要claim醫療保險，保險公司一般會要求受保人遞交由主診醫生填寫，並附有醫院蓋章嘅索償表格、醫院收據正本同醫療報告副本等📃～交齊晒文件，索償先可以順順利利㗎！所以，麻煩行開陣當幫忙吖🤗，最多請你食罐罐喇......
#claim唔到錢 #今個月就冇罐罐 #點解主子咁鍾意坐住啲緊要嘢 #蓋世保鑑Insurpedia
【我親愛的Zoom視訊客人們】
To My Dear Zoom Clients
我忍了真的⋯⋯真的⋯⋯很久，今天過後實在忍無可忍，一定要叮嚀所有過去和未來的客人們。
我年紀很大了，受不了太大的刺激。
拜託，你們可以Zoom好來嗎？😓😑
一、Zoom視訊的視角 = 拍護照照的視角
護照自2020年起就已成為古董，但大家這一生應該有拍過證件照吧！
對了，就是要頭髮整齊，讓我看到你的雙耳、雙眼、鼻子、嘴巴、頸項和肩膀，到胸部。
我批八字時，需要看整個面相。不要讓你一半的臉掉出鏡頭外，這樣很像鍾無艷，也不要嘴巴不見掉，這樣我很像在跟一條羅漢魚視訊。
我看面相包括看你的嘴巴、牙齒和說話時的嘴形。是的，看相就是需要那麼仔細。
如果你的螢幕太低，那就找書本或舊報紙，把螢幕墊高一點。別讓我整一個小時半只看到你的雙下巴，會把你的面相比例給看錯。
不要一直告訴我不好意思，方法是人想出來的。
•
二、光線
太暗，我看你如見鬼。
太亮，我會看不清你的膚色。
拉開窗簾，不要背向陽光。
有必要的話，就直接開燈！
•
三、勿放什麼椰樹沙灘/金門大橋的虛擬背景圖
什麼虛擬背景圖都不要放啦～
我的家美最重要，我不在乎你的家美不美，我只是來看命的。
如果你的Wi-Fi不是很強，電腦功能不是很厲害，這類的虛擬背景圖會讓你的視訊畫面卡卡的。
有時你轉個身，整個右邊不見了，或部份的頭髮少了，讓我覺得我好像在看恐怖片，嚇人啊～
•
四、環境和聲音
有些海外客人其實非常用心。為了與我視訊，特別去買有麥克風的耳機🎧，讓我能更清楚的聽到他們的聲音。😍
沒有使用耳機和麥克風的客人，往往他們的聲音會有種空氣般的回音，如果他們本身講話又小聲，我的耳機聲量開滿，我還是聽得滿辛苦的
也有香港和馬來西亞客人租過會議室、鐘點房間或單人工作室，就是為了不受家人的干擾，能安心的與我視訊。😍
最有趣的是，去年新加坡阻斷措施時，有位男客人跑到屋外的走廊坐在地上與我視訊。只是外頭風聲有點大，我好幾次都聽不清楚他的聲音。
曾有客人在咖啡廳與我視訊。咖啡廳裡的高談闊論聲和器皿的敲擊聲，頻頻從我的耳機闖進我的耳朵，哇～我的耳朵那時真的是活受罪，還要裝一副氣定神閒的樣子。
天啊，兩次過後，我寧願退錢，也不再見這樣的客人了。耳朵只有一對，我要保護好啊！
在這裡聲明：一般我們買手機時的那種有麥克風的耳機，就已能視訊。沒有戴耳機和麥克風的客人，我一概會拒絕諮詢，把費用原銀奉還。
五、孩子
曾試過諮詢的前20分鐘，一直被女客人的小孩打擾，進來哭著要媽媽主持公道。
如果你家中有六歲以下的兒童，會時不時來敲你的門，我建議你還是先別約我。你這樣會分心，無法聽好我交代的事，而我也得一直等你去安撫你的孩子，就無法在限定時間內看完你的八字，這樣對誰都不公平。
六、我只見客人一人
這個規矩，從我一出道就定下來，也清楚的寫在網站上，根本不用一而再的來試探水溫。
但這兩個星期，還是有客人硬闖關，事先安排自己的配偶/孩子坐在電腦的另一面，要他們聽我講他的八字。
我從不改我的規矩，也沒有八字或風水是我非看不可的。
讀書這麼高，連自己的命都不能自己負責，這已經不是能改到命的人了。
你一定要你的配偶陪你聽，那你需要的不是我來教你改命，是你的配偶來安你的心。
將來若還有這樣的事，我會直接中斷視訊，把錢退回去。
七、「我第一次用Zoom！」
可是從報名那天到今天的諮詢，你有兩個月的時間去摸索。
兩個月，怎麼還是錯誤百出？因為客人根本沒有事先準備和練習。
結果我就這樣等了20分鐘，還得等對方下載軟件。
Zoom不難使用，但如果是你沒有花時間去摸索，就不要撒謊，直接說，我就直接退現錢。
品德是改命的資糧，不要為了自己能脫身就隨便編一個漏洞百出的謊，還說自己是好人。這...不會臉皮太厚了嗎？
小事都不願做好，絕對不會成大器。
八、暈車
有些客人用Ipad或手機來視訊。
重點是，他一支手拿著手機，一支手拿筆寫筆記。他一邊寫，另一支手就一邊搖晃。他做在床上，移動一下，手機就彷彿大海嘯幾下🌊
我一天如果見三個這樣客人，我的視線就搖晃了5個小時。工作完畢後，頭也會痛得厲害，無法完成晚上製片的工作。
沒有自拍器三腳架，也應該有些書本或東西來頂著手機。
各位，多點善心，為我著想一下吧⋯⋯
__________________________
To My Dear Zoom Clients
I have been enduring it for a really really long time. That's it! I am gonna put a stop to this after today and send out this reminder to all my past and future clients.
I am getting on in years, and cannot stand too much stimulation.
Please.... can you guys do a proper Zoom?
Number 1: Going on screen in Zoom = Taking a photograph for your passport.
Since 2020, the passport has become something of an antique but I believe everyone has taken some kind of ID photos! Yes, the ones with your neatly combed trusses where I can see both your ears, nose, mouth, neck, shoulder all the way to your chest.
I would like to see your full face during the Bazi Consultation. Please don't allow half your face to fall off the screen and you end up looking like Zhong Wu Yan! Please also don't hide your mouth making me feel like I am talking to a Arrowana.
When I analyze your facial features, it includes your mouth, teeth and the shape of your mouth while you are talking. Yes, it is down to such level of details.
If your PC / Laptop monitor is too low, please find a book or old newspapers and stack it on top. Please don't let me only see your double chin for that 1.5 hours, as I would probably get the proportion of your face wrong.
Don't keep telling me you are apologetic. Think of a way out.
Number 2: The background lighting.
Too dark, you risk looking like a ghost.
Too bright, I cannot figure out your skin color.
Draw open the curtains, but don't face your back to the sunlight.
If necessary, just turn on the lights!
Number 3: Background images of coconut trees on sandy beaches or the Golden Gate Bridge.
There is no need to put on a virtual background. I only care about how my hone looks, I am not bothered by yours. I am only here to see your Bazi.
If your WIFI signal or your PC / Laptop performance is poor, using the virtual background can often make your Zoom video choppy. Sometimes when you turn your body, one side of your body or some part of your hair will disappear. It's really like one of those spooky movies scaring the wits out of me.
•
Number 4: Background environment and noise.
Some of my overseas clients really put in effort for our Zoom sessions. They bought a headset with a mic so that I can hear them properly and vice versa.
Those that did not use a earphone or a headset often sounded echo-ish, and if they spoke softly, I would have to turn on the volume on my side full throttle and still have a hard time trying to hear them.
There are some clients from Hong Kong and Malaysia who would rent meeting rooms, hotel rooms or private work spaces by the hour so as to reduce any disturbance from others and better focus on the Zoom session with me.
I recalled an interesting incident during the Circuit Breaker last year. A client from Singapore Zoom-ed with me along the corridor outside his house. Most of the time, I was hearing the howling of the winds rather than his voice.
Some clients sat themselves in coffee places for our session. These places are often filled with loud chatters and the clanging of cups and plates, and my ears suffered terribly. Yet, I have to continue to be seen as composed and attentive.
Goodness me, after 2 of such experiences, I decided that I rather refund these clients and never see them again. I have only 1 pair of ears and I want to protect them at all costs!
A normal earpiece that comes with the purchase of a handphone is good enough for Zoom video calls. For clients who do not have a earpiece/headset and a mic, I would end the consultation and refund the monies.
•
Number 5: Children
There was once where a session with a female client was repeatedly disrupted by her kids, running in crying for their mother to settle their quarrels. If you have children below 6 years of age, and likely to interrupt our session, I suggest you don't book a consultation with me.
You will be distracted, unable to focus on my advice and I have to wait for you to clear up the situation with your children, eating into the allowable time for me to complete the consultation. This is unfair to both you and me.
•
Number 6: I only meet one person, that is the Client.
I have set this requirement the day I stepped into this line of work, and it is clearly written in my booking form. There is no need to try your luck under any circumstances.
But in the space of 2 weeks, there were some clients who rode their luck and got their spouse / child to sit on the other side of the screen to listen in on our consultation.
I never change my stance, and there is no single client that I cannot afford to lose.
If you insist to have your spouse sit in, it is apparent that you do not need me to help transform your destiny. Rather you really need your spouse to put your heart at ease.
If such things happen the next time, I will end the session immediately and refund the fees.
•
Number 7: "My first time using Zoom"
But you have 2 full months to prepare before our actual consultation. You did not end up wasting time exploring the software and I wasted 20 mins waiting for you to download the software.
Zoom is an easy software to use but if you did not spend the time to familiarize yourself with it, please quit the lies and tell me directly. I will refund the consultation fees on the spot.
Our moral ethics serve as the foundation for our transformation. Stop weaving web of lies to get out of sticky situations, and still claim that you are a good person. Isn't this too thick-skinned?
•
Number 8: Giddy spells
Some clients use Ipad or their handphones for the Zoom session. Crucially, they hold the device with one hand, and take notes with the other. As they write, the other hand holding the phone becomes shaky. If he is doing that on his bed, his handphone would shake like a tsunami wave every time he changes his position.
If I see 3 such clients within a day, it would be 5 hours of shaking visuals for me. That would mean a splitting headache at the end of my work day, and not being able to work on my videos at night.
Even if you don't have a tripod stand, at least prop up the device with a book or something.
Please everyone, please be kind and have mercy on me......
《坐上了舊朋友的Uber－一段內心的安全距離》
在OT的晚上，Uber多數是阿良的同伴。
太累了，可以Claim公司，就Uber吧。
設定好目的地，
他一般都會load幾次…直至價錢在120元左右，才確定。
Uber會將司機的相片和車輛型號告訴你。
當然，你比較著眼的，還是他多久才會來到。
其他？都不重要。
於是，他都不知道。
直至上了車，在後座看著前方的身影有點眼熟…再從回憶中看到App所Show的司機名字…
是徐玉山。
他初中時的玩伴。
初中嘛，都20年前了。上次見面，都是在Social medai了。
阿良頓然覺得尷尬，急急地低下頭，裝作睡覺。
他心想：「山哥…有沒有認出我？」
但沒關係…
他認不認出也好…自己扮作沒有認出最好。
他閉下眼睛，繼續裝睡，
但內心卻是嚴重的腦交戰。
相認？抑或不認？
自己是乘客，對方是司機…
感覺對方有點潦倒，那好意思開口…
難度要安慰對方嗎？？
但同時又覺得自己太自負了。
揸Uber不一定是潦倒。
飛機師都會兼職uber不是嗎？
甚至有些專業人士，都當Uber副業是一種興趣！
那…是否要「恭喜對方揸Uber？」
說甚麼，都有危險。
那麼，不說話就最安全。
阿良再次抬起頭，望著這個20年前的好友，滄桑的背影。
曾經一起放學、一起回家、一起在Lunch time吃幾塊錢的炒麵充飢…
自己那時家貧，甚麼Game書都是對方借的；
自己那時細膽，對方是否…錯誤有挺身而出…？
這個…不太記得。
而同時…車已經到了目的地。
阿良在想，對方…大約會有些印象吧？
因為在14歲那一年，他們就在這幢大廈旁的公園，
不知坐過多少天，談過多少無聊話題。
他內心知道…
真的沒認出而離開，是OK的。
但認出了但扮作不知道而離開，是對方OK，但自己不OK的。
「山哥，戴住口罩，認唔認得我呀。」
阿良說出了這句，總覺得沒有錯。
山哥很快就回應：
「真係你呀，良仔。我仲覺得呢個人熟口熟面…哈哈，仲記唔記呢個公園呀？」
阿良：「緊係記得啦。」
山哥：「我泊架車喺一邊，飲返杯先走，好唔好？」
經過一晚OT，阿良本來很累，
但連繫回一個舊友，心中只有無數話題想說，自然樂意。
從前，買的都是可樂。
那時，還沒有「零糖」或「白色可樂」這麼多花款。
不過，現在當然是兩罐啤酒更好。
阿良：「咁多年嚟...你點呀？」
山哥：「大家Friend過，就唔使充大頭鬼啦...良仔，我環境麻麻哋啦。搵到兩餐囉，但辛苦錢。唔似得你啦，而家官仔骨骨！」
阿良：「山哥，唔好咁講啦，以前你做我哋大佬角色嘛…」
山哥：「嗱，做人最緊要…係認衰。我真係好景嘅話…就我坐你車，唔係你坐我車啦。」
見山哥抽起一根菸，阿良也喝一口啤酒：
「咁我同你相認，會唔會搞到你尷尬？」
山哥笑一笑：
「我諗…作為一個麻甩佬。
你在意我感受，先係令我最難受。
即係…如果你因為驚我尷尬，而刻意唔叫我。我先會最難過。
所以，而家我…好開心。」
阿良沒有回話，但慶幸自己做得是對的。
曾經如此友好，又何需害怕內心的距離？
交過心的人，
十年時光，一下就會到站。
阿良：「記唔記以前，成日睇Game書扮勇者。」
山哥：「記得！哈，次次我都爭住做勇者。你同阿明阿邦，只可以做下法師、戰士同僧侶嘛！不過…細個還細個…大個先知，自己未必係做勇者嘅材料。」
阿良：「咪咁講啦，你又唔係70、80歲。至少仲有架車呀。」
山哥：「租㗎…」
阿良：「吖…Sorry…」
山哥：「哈哈！屌！講下笑咋！」
阿良：「哇大佬，你使唔使咁幽默。」
山哥：「見你講嘢咁行……刺激下你嘛～而家咁，做自己…做返我細個識嘅你…咪得囉。
我總會搞掂嘅。
十年河東十年河北嘛，難保10年後，我又會好掂呢。係咪？」
山哥苦笑了數下。
阿良望著他，陪著笑。
多苦也好，會笑還算好。
阿良知道…也許這晚之後，兩個人又不會再聯絡。
但這個意外之夜，作為一段友情的中轉站，依然是充實了內心，令他不再疲累。
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
＝＝＝
＝
＝
＝
『轟隆！』
突然天際之外傳來一陣巨響，一度強光閃亮了整個黑夜，整整兩秒之久…
不同的電流雜聲從雲層中如同亂流，滲著藍光的閃電直奔向阿良與山哥的方向。
山哥：「快啲上車先。」
阿良：「但我哋要去邊呀？」
山哥：「咩事都未知…緊係有咁遠走咁遠…」
阿良：「連手機…開唔到嘅…究竟發生咩事？」
山哥：「我都唔知…或者係…想畀我哋做一次勇者。」
車，直奔向前，二人也再沒回頭。
IG: cheungson88
https://www.instagram.com/cheungson88/
（很少人Follow的acc，有時說說生活事）
MeWe：張晨
https://mewe.com/p/張晨
P.s. 用app有機會彈app…可搜尋「Cheungson」
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